Gal

The Programmer

Some people say they were a mess before they healed.

I was NEVER a mess. In my mind, every person I knew, every concept or belief, was perfectly arranged, tagged with judgement, and placed in the corresponding category.
I managed to find order and logic where philosophers and scientists alike have failed. I was right. Always. And I took pride in it.
And then after some emotional dramas I realised that something was wrong. Certain things just didn't quite fit the grand theory. The obsessive compulsive nature tried to restore order in thoughts and instill some logic in feeling run amok. I became paralized by the storm I've created within.

And then came Tsila.

To say that her methods are unconventional would be the understatement of the year.
I've stepped out of my own shoes and saw things from a different perspective. I've changed my diet. I've dived to the depths of my unconcious. I've been kicked in the ass [metaphorically and otherwise].
An anarchist by conviction, she never ceased to challenge the orderly way in which I saw things.
As tempted as I was to resist, I could not. The flow of every session was such that I couldnt employ my elaborate pattern recognition techniques. She spoke in a language so foreign to me that I could not find the right category. A massive headache. And yet, so intriguing.
From the logics' point of view, she was such a wonderful debating adversary. Always so crazy, and yet so logical. This both appeased my sense of logic for its fall from grace, and also challanged me to find out her secret. How does she do it?
When healing was involved, I instictively trusted her. A trust that was reinforced by her attentive, caring nature. She was always present. And not once did she judge me. Through that experience came the understanding that the black & white way I see things is to my detriment.
She taught me to open up my mind and learn new things without judgment.
It was not ideas that she was trying to "sell". It was reviewing which of my ideals and perceptions are truly my choice. Of my choices, which is truely to my advantage.
Some of those I chose to keep. Some I have inverted. As I grow, it will continue to change and grow with me. I will always be grateful for this lesson.
Tsila taught me so much more. She is knowledgable in countless fields. Especially the nutty ones.
I suggest that you give her a try.
Be warned though, you are up for some serious ass kicking.